Accessories

Can I just say that I think your 
German Sheppard,
That you bought from those fancy 
Breeders with the shiny 
Wood floors in Oxford,
Looks fucking miserable now that he
Has graduated from obedience school? 

I don't mean to be rude but puppies 
Want to do puppy things and puppy
Things do not include walking on 
Treadmills with low resistance,
Just like you don't eat your food 
Off the ground,
And Purina doesn't expect you to,
Just your dog. 
And the poor thing looks like a MilkBone 
Model,

Which means that Obedience School 
Made sure to schedule bath time for 
Your precious jewel,
Probably an added bonus to the 2,000
Dollar fee you keep mentioning. 

And he still jumps, so I think he missed
Class on Tuesday,
Or came in last place,
To the Rottweiler down the hall. 
And I know you've said you must be patient,

And I applaud you,
I do, 
My Berner still pees on himself,
And he jumps his 125 pounds into the air,
Like he's a tiny frog,
He doesn't understand the phrase
"NO JUMPING!" 
But knows that he cannot switch 
My gears while I'm driving,
So he responds to "GET BACK"
When we are two minutes away from 
Possibly dying 
​
But he doesn't hump my leg,
And he smells like a dog,
He is scared of treadmills,
And chooses to pee only on 
Republican signs,
So I'd say I did well,
Without obedience school,
Though thank you 
For asking.