Anxiety

I make a to-do list to make a 
To-do list, but I write other chores
And errands and other inconveniences,
Like making sure to pay off my credit card
After I decide to use it again, and washing 
My car, after it gets dirty,
And remembering to weigh myself,
When I feel lighter. 
And I usually write another to-do list
Somewhere else like on my phone,
Or on a small piece of checkbook paper
At work, or on old receipts I find that
Shows me the money I shouldn't have
Spent,
Because

Though I rarely fuse the pieces of paper
And form of different to-do lists
Together, 
So I think of all the to-do lists and I 
Make a mental note to throw some of them
Away, or maybe cross off the word
"Shower" on my desk's to-do list because
That's already done for the day, 
Though maybe I'll keep it because I have
To shower tomorrow, too, but who knows 
If I'll remember,
Because

On one to-do list is to write my wrongs
Though I rarely do so because there
Are so many wrongs I make every day, 
Like that one thing I said two months
Ago to that lady on the phone at work, 
In a rude time because I was having a 
Bad day, but she didn't deserve for me
To take it out on her but I did and I
Hope she still isn't mad even though 
It's two months later and maybe she 
Doesn't remember but maybe she does
Because,

Because then it would all make sense, 
All the thoughts would be right, 
It would have made sense to work, 
Normal even, 
The lists would be necessary, and what
Everyone does,
But everyone doesn't so I'm just alone
In this thinking in my head and these 
Lists are just floating in my head 
Like pieces of matter that make up 
Who I am and one by one they 
Consume me and I wonder
If I'll ever wake up and not 
Look at a list or feel this activity 
Going on in my head and all this



​Anxiety.