Bleed

I see my window. I want to escape. To over there. To the broken wind as it blows and then stops. I feel it, but I don’t feel it enough. I feel you, but I don’t feel you enough. I want more. Like an addict. Along the wet mulch, inhaling the smell of Spring, but begging for winter’s excuse. To be there in a bed where we lie. I don’t want you. But I want it so badly. It’s painful. I am in pain. I couldn’t let it show. I beg for the snow and the cold, for the alcohol to release me. Make me warm. I need it so bad. I don’t need it, I am not that girl. I’m not the girl who needs those feelings, but I am the girl who needs those thrusts. I need it over and over again like a needle to my arm, like a pill to my tongue, like the rain on my frizzy hair. I need it. But I don’t need it. And I can’t decide. I cannot decide if I want it or I want you. I am doomed.