Losing

So strange the way the days go on without you
I'm filled with questions and empty answers of your whereabouts
You are a hidden history, and I am a forgotten "female"
Though I remember everything you said, it's true. 

I used to write these lyrics out in my journal then
Of love songs that I had thought I understood
I questioned how ecstasy felt like heaven but also like hell
I thought I had learned everything, but I didn't learn men. 

I missed the part where you said you were sorry
I was busy trying to understand if you meant it
Though I would've accepted it if you were to say hello again
But then, I would melt just the same if you called me darling.

I do not like how you made my bones tremble and my heart weak
I do not care for your absence nor for your face on a computer screen
I miss you, yes it is true, but I am getting along fine, trust me, 
If I saw you again, I would struggle to even find words to speak.