Prompt

​I've had to honor my reality when it comes to writing quite often. For most of my life until college, I was able to make time for a lot of free writing; I was able to write what I wanted when I wanted and create a balance between that and life. Along came college and, making the decision to major in writing, I had to remember that writing outside of my classes was still important. Journaling was often pushed aside in order to make time for require assignments, and this simultaneously began to push a lot of my creativity aside. It wasn't until I began taking creative writing courses when I could find a balance between what I wanted to write and my reality of having to write. It's easy to say that during this time in my life, with my chosen degree, creating a balance between my reality and my writing wasn't as challenging as it would be when I took a year off between undergraduate and graduate courses. 

In my gap year, I made the decision to become a more active person and lead a healthier lifestyle. For the first time, EVER, I wasn't being required to attend school, to do homework, and I wasn't really certain what I wanted to do with my life. I was only sure that I needed a year off before I decided I'd attend school again. I talk about this in my fitness blog, so I won't go into a lot of detail here--but--this turned out to be the best decision I've made thus far in life. Fighting physically and mentally with myself for 365 days, I lost 80 pounds, gained a little bit of confidence, and finally completed what I consider a long-term challenge. This, for me, was a milestone in my life because I had only ever challenged myself to a short-term degree; I wouldn't dare be up to any challenge that would take a long time to complete. But here I am, almost two years later, (!!!!!) 80 pounds lighter, (!!!!!) and still going! But, as I'm sure you could imagine, beginning anything new in life that you want to make a habit out of takes time and energy, and often sacrifices. 

I pushed a lot of things to the side. Time with friends, with family, with unhealthy food, with lazy naps, with sleeping in, and writing. This was my own decision because working out and, in a sense, creating a different lifestyle for myself was something I had wanted to do for a long time. I had the time to do it, and somehow, I guess I also had the perseverance to do it! I was so exhausted by the end of most days that I wouldn't write a poem, or I'd forget to journal, or I'd cry myself to sleep because long-term challenges are no joke and, as an average human being, I just wanted to change fast, and look the way I wanted to...fast. So, as months went by, I found a balance.

At some point during my fitness journey, I started noticing results. The most important part of my journey was me noticing a change. Not a customer from work, not a friend, not family members, but me. Because I did this for myself. This is when I started writing again. I wrote about feeling like I was finally exhaling for the first time in months. And it felt so good to write something positive about myself in my own journal. Seriously. If you're reading this you should know my journals and poems aren't all optimistic and happy; I usually journal out of anger or sadness, because that's when writing saves me. But, I found a balance because I was noticing change, and I wanted to write about it, so I would never forget about it, and so I could one day look back on my journal and remember what I did. This struggle to find a balance actually created a new chapter in my writing (ha!). I found a balance by realizing that something had changed in me, both physically and mentally, and I could finally write about my accomplishment, because I had never really done that before. 

I honored my reality and found that my reality would add something new to my writing. They fused and balanced each other out. I'm still always struggling to find a balance, but, I'm grateful that as a writer, I'll always be challenged in doing so. 

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