The Walmart Experience

I went on a week long vacation to Florida this summer. Other than that basic, white person vacation, I haven't been anywhere unique in a long time. Sometimes, I travel to the corners of my mind for a vacation. After all, to me, a vacation is just a break from seeing the same people, working the same tiring job, and living the same day-to-day routine. You don't exactly have to travel too far to remove yourself from those three aspects of life, however. And, finances do not always permit traveling, so you have to get creative. My creativity spans at arms length, so I took a trip to Walmart, and decided to journal my experience. 

1) The Vitamin Aisle 
I'm not really sure why I ever go down this aisle in virtually any store that has them, but I do. I can't remember to take a pill every single day because I'm barely even awake everyday. But, I walk down the aisle for the sake of taking the first step toward a change of lifestyle. I usually eye the Fish Oil, which I convince myself is garbage because I eat enough fish-- the eyeballs, the skin, sometimes the bones with the consequence of choking. Then I eye HydroxCut. It doesn't seem to phase me that if a pill that's worth 30 bucks will help you lose weight, the whole world would be buying it, but alas, there is sits, waiting for the next hand to snatch it off the lonely shelf. Finally, I eye the multivitamins supplements. A graph runs through my head of the possible levels of calcium and other incomprehensible levels of shit running through my body. My savvy, cheap hands talk me out of grabbing any of these products. 

There is a girl with big, white Beats headphones walking down this aisle. She's listening to hip-hop at a rather obnoxious level. Although, what is an appropriate level to listen to music in Walmart? Is there a level, is that a rule? It's Walmart. There are no rules. Because I'm interested in the human condition, I ask her if she knows where the Pre-Workout is, even though I know exactly where it is, we're both staring at it. She cannot hear me. Or she pretends not. I exit the aisle understanding that the volume level of her music can be translated into "F-off and don't talk to me." 

2) The Woman and Her Children
 I almost tripped exiting the aisle of unnecessary bodily fix-its because there's a woman pushing a cart at an alarming rate. I mean, where is the speed limit for cart pushing in this place? It's Walmart, Silvia, no rules. There are at least five children following this woman pushing her cart, getting ready for Nascar, though I couldn't give you an exact amount of children because I'm too busy eyeing the objects in her cart, which consists of at least one object from virtually every aisle of Walmart. I see Stouffers, a few articles of clothing (definitely not enough for all the children, one will most likely be angry), Tylenol (I don't blame her, hope it's extra strength), Pepsi, a notebook, Clorox wipes, and a laundry basket (probably should've increased this particular purchase). That's really all I could see in her cart, the rest of things were buried in the cart. I really, really hope, for her sake, and the sake of the children screaming behind her, that she had some sort of intention to visit the Family Planning aisle. By the grace of God, I hope. 

3) The Lost Children
I'm assuming and hoping and also extremely wishing that the children in the electronics aisle are not the Cart Lady's. Though, some part of me hopes that they do find their parents soon enough, or the Cart Lady's. Actually, maybe not Cart Lady's because she seems like she fully intends to leave the store without her children. And you know what? I can't blame her, I'd leave my children in Walmart too. God knows they'd have everything they could ever need there. I think these lost boys will be ok, too, because they do not seem at all worried about their parental unit's whereabouts. Though, in this particular age of technology, I suppose I'd also be intrigued by the numerous flat screens placed on the walls, displaying Disney in High Definition. Yeah, screw the parents. 

4) The Cashier
I had to stop myself from once again getting angry about the customer service. I had to remind myself I'm only buying Listerine, that this particular cashier has had to deal with or will be dealing with all of the above, and that she isn't being paid enough to deal with any of this. So when she said "Good, you?" before I opened my mouth to ask any such preceding question warranting this response, I just said "Good" because it has never felt so good to leave a vacation.