I have a fear of disappointing myself. I have very high, sometimes unrealistic, expectations for myself. The fear of disappointing myself ties in directly to my fear of the future. I hate admitting that I fear the future. Fearing the future makes my stomach upset, it makes my eyes water, it makes me clench my teeth. I anger myself because I fear the future. I'm not supposed to fear the future. How can I fear something unknown? It's the fear of not knowing. The fear of not knowing what will happen to me, the fear of not accomplishing those things I want to accomplish, the fear of getting a bad grade, something so little and so petty, the fear of not doing well. But yesterday, today was the future. And today, I'm doing just fine, and I didn't know that yesterday. Maybe we fear things that way we can experience comfort when it turns out okay.
I like to write; point blank. This is a little piece of me that I get to share with the rest of the world, and hey, you know, maybe you'll appreciate it, maybe it'll do nothing for you. But my writing exists, and that's enough for me.
© 2019 Silvia Iorio. All rights reserved.